For anyone not familiar with the term “grief brain” I sincerely hope you never have to experience it. After losing Keven I was warned by parents who’d lost a child to overdose about this very real symptom of surviving a traumatic loss.

Earlier today I emailed the cherished leader of my writing group, Heidi, about a mistake I’d made and said something like, “forgive my brain, I’m not as sharp as I used to be”. Then this happened…

After my daily walk with Chester B and Evo we were headed home in the car and came to the same intersection…

Rather than put information here that can be easily found on the Internet, I’ll provide you with the links to two excellent and trustworthy websites, then share some things I learned firsthand from other parents, Keven and his friends.

These sites have just about everything you need to know. You can look up signs and symptoms, talking to your child about drugs, how it affects the brain, how to find the best treatment for your situation, and lots more.

The big question is “why?” Why do kids start using drugs when they know the dangers? …

A few months after my son’s suicide, I was at the grocery store in front of the milk section. As I reached for my half and half, I heard my name. “Barbara!” and there he was. A guy I’ve known since I was 13. Someone I was very close to in my teens and twenties. We’d stayed in touch over the years.

After a moment of chit-chat he said, “Hey, I heard about your son. I’m really sorry. I’m so glad we raised our kids right, they all went to college and are doing great.” WTF did he just say…

The other day I saw someone I knew and her eyes said it all; she didn’t know what to say to me and she was uncomfortable. She wasn’t sure if she should mention Keven or just have small talk. We had small talk, and didn’t mention Keven or my grief. I could see she wasn’t at ease so I didn’t want to make it more awkward by bringing it up myself. I walked away feeling that Keven no longer mattered to this person (she’d known him for years) and that she didn’t care about how I was doing. This is…

Raw Grief Over Losing My Son

There are times when the pain is almost unbearable. It literally hurts, my chest aches and I feel pressure pushing against my ribs. This is not my usual “missing Keven” pain, it's “my son was so tormented he took his own life” pain. The thought of him making the decision, picking up the gun, holding it against his temple and pulling the trigger - suffocates me. …

Death has been part of my life since an early age, but it wasn’t until I lost my son, Keven, that I experienced the most dreaded type of grief of all. Keven was 29 and took his own life, I will be soon be writing about what not to say to someone who has lost a loved one to suicide.

Don’t Do/Say:

  • I know how you feel
  • It was their time
  • There’s a reason for everything
  • She/he was such a good person God wanted her to be with him
  • Bring up or compare your own grief experiences
  • At least you…

Written after a trip to the grocery store where Keven got dirty looks. 8/18/19

He’s my son, I love him.

I see the stares and hear the whispers behind my back.

I’m aware of the opinions of people that know us.

I can imagine the conversations about enabling, tough love, and the list of ways my parenting is faulty.

Yes, he’s a grown man — on the outside.

Yes, he looks different — the way he walks, the glaze in his half-closed eyes, unkempt appearance, stained fingers.

Yes, he sounds different, he even smells different.

He’s not “slow”, he’s not…

Twenty eight years ago on 12/7/90 my surprise baby arrived. I was 30 years old, single and had decided I did not want children. But hey, things happen and I got pregnant by an ex-boyfriend. I chose to have the baby even though I cried daily for the first three months of pregnancy.

Then one day something happened, I felt the little intruder rolling around inside me. I fell in love. I fell even more in love when I finally held him in my arms. The feelings I had for this child, shocked me and changed me. No one had…

Barbara Legere

Currently writing a book about my son’s struggle with mental health, substance abuse and ultimately suicide. Check out my site:

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